***NOTE: The commentary on this particular post is going to be raw, and I am not at any point going to apologize for it. ***
That's all we had left of our current foster placement. Things were going splendidly, and reunification was on track for Spring Break. Then last week, there was an incident at a visit that moved reunification back to the end of the school year. Bill and I were bummed, but still hopeful for some much needed "only us" time that included a vacation, a move, and a whole lot of quiet evenings at home.
And now this.
Yesterday in the early morning hours, birth father passed away. The whole house is devastated, though for vastly different reasons. The kids (ages 10 & 5) no longer have a dad. Bill lost a friend, someone who was trying desperately to put his life back together. And I lost something to look forward to.
Last week I said that the light at the end of the tunnel turned out to be a train. Yesterday, the tunnel collapsed.
We don't know what's next. We don't know any details. We don't know how much longer we'll have the kids. We don't know when our next "kid-free" moment is going to be. I don't normally have to be the kind of person that has it all planned out, but I do need to know when/if an end is in sight.
I've cried tears with and for the kids. After about 5 minutes of feeling guilty about it, I started crying tears for me and Bill. And I'm not sorry that this is the case. We are mourning with the kids, and mourning for ourselves. And at some point we'll figure out the details.